It’s true when they say – being a mother is not at all easy. It’s like getting into the juggling act for whole of one’s life, with kids driving you from crazy to nuts to INSANE!
Of the many emotions that I feel as a mother, the only emotion that gets to me in microseconds is, I always get to run low on tolerance. I just can’t help and I “have to” shout at my daughter to get across the message.
I have spoken to many, many moms, and we all share this common shouting factor. Being a mother I feel guilty most of the time for shouting at my daughter every now and then but there are some things, which have to be done without any second thought.
An instance with my daughter was an eye opener for me or should I say an emotional opener of my mind – my daughter was just 7 months old and for no reason she was constantly crying for hours while I was working in the kitchen. Out of frustration I just shouted my gut aloud.
She instantly became quite, but you know what happened next, she slowly crawled towards me and she set her head on my feet and slept off while I was still working. Such is a child’s innocence and I immediately understood – she wanted my touch or a hug. That’s when I realized, if I have to shout at her I also have to love her twice as much.
Yes, I do shout at her, but only when the situation becomes uncontrollable. I have seen parents who are a constant microphone to yelling. I feel bad for those kids and can see the emotional distress they go through because of this shouting.
Here, I would like to discuss if it’s really okay to shout at your kids or are we just portraying our emotional distress at them. I’ve read a lot about consequences of shouting at your child and how they grow up to be introverts and often take to violence.
For the parents who are just starting up with their babies, I would like to set a baseline on what we call constant shouting or yelling. How often should we do it or how should we do it?
Few guidelines to follow when you have the urge to shout at your child:
- Restrict the shouting to 12 times a year.
- Make sure you give extra affection to your child post-shouting, while making sure your child understand why you shouted at him/her.
- As your child grows, avoid shouting, instead take a step back, and analyze the situation. If you can’t control the bout of anger, ask your partner to step in while you cool down. Trust me, it works like a charm.
- Take enough time and explain in detail to your child about its behavior or any other aspect that makes you angry.
Shouting is the easiest emotions that comes to a parent, but think back and see how many times your parents have shouted at you. Well, for me, I could hardly think of any instance when my parents shouted at me.
Their tactic was – don’t encourage the child to misbehave, instead turn a blind eye, this way the child would eventually stop. No attention given to child’s tantrums is the best remedy of all. And yes, tried and tested by me.
Now, my mom has started shouting at me, for shouting at my child. How ironic that can be… Chuckles!! It just shows that there is no age factor between parent-child shouting matches.
I have limited my shouting to once in two days and that too only when there is a dire need of it. My daughter is too small to understand why I am shouting at her, but then I point it out to her in some action or a gesture to make her realise the reason for my anger and she understands. At such a tender age, I must say that I’m blessed with an understanding daughter.
She understands well when I tell her calmly as a first warning that “Now I’m getting angry”, and she instantly stops, comes to me and kisses me. God bless her!
On the other hand, there are parents who complain that their shouting just goes into a hollow cry of distress. Over the time, kids get immune to shouting and continues to do what they are doing while turning a deaf ear to their parents words. These parents are constantly in a vicious circle of shout-guilt emotion.
I’ve hardly seen any parent working out a resolution to yelling, all they end up saying is, they feel themselves under a huge guilt for shouting at their little ones. Is it the parent fault or the child’s fault? For me, child is the innocent victim; it is just doing what a child is supposed to do at that age. But do we act according to our age by shouting at them? Think about it!
Not that it’s easy but I’ve grown to understand that there is always an alternative and the best way is to treat your little child as an adult and explain them what wrong they are doing and what needs to be done. It really works.
Have you ever gone through a similar phase or suffer this guilt, share it in the comments below. Trust me, saying it out loud helps.