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Don't expect kids to respond to punishments like an enlightenment era chemist responding to evidence. Kids aren't wired that way. They aren't necessarily going to weigh the consequences of their actions vs. Demonstrated punishments.
You mention a lot of different ways of telling her what she did wrong, but how consistently have you stuck with one disciplinary strategy? I'm sorry to tell you, you might have a long haul ahead of you. There was never a eureka moment or breakthrough, but rather every year the child will gradually improve, with plenty of backsliding along the way.
My advice is to create a stable environment, clear expectations, and be patient. This isn't some riddle with an answer and then its over. This is fourteen years of doing the right thing and trusting that it will make a difference in the long run.