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Try focusing on what the purpose or the emotional need of the behaviour is. Then acknowledge the emotions but set a boundary with the behaviour.
for example say something like " i can see that you are angry/scared/frustrated. I understand and I would be too. I can't let you hit/be rude/etc what could you do instead? "
Actually I try to behave with her politely when she behave rough and ignoreing.
What does she normally do ? Tell me more about her behavior